The existence of genitals and the physical and mental pleasure derivable from their usage have led men to war. I will give you just one example. The epic Trojan War was precipitated by the theft of Helen by Paris. According to the Greek legend, Paris and his elder brother Hector had been sent to King Menelaus of Sparta, by their father, the King of Troy, to make peace. The duo secured the peace but Paris courted trouble by abducting the very young and pretty Queen Helen. King Menelaus, the husband of Helen, sought the assistance of his brother Agamemnon the king of Mycenae, to recover his source of pleasure. Agamemnon reached out to Odysseus the king of Ithaca, who in turn persuaded Achilles the demigod, to join in the fight for the freedom of Helen, daughter of Zeus.

The Trojan War was fought with ruthless aggression. At the end of the hostilities, the City of Troy fell, Menelaus also fell to Hector's sword, Achilles killed Hector and Paris shot Achilles in his mortal heel and escaped with Helen. Odysseus wandered from sea to sea, island to island for 10 years after the war, unable to trace his way back to his kingdom. He was lucky not to have lost his life, his wife Penelope, and his throne when he eventually got back home. However, Odysseus' mother committed suicide by drowning in the sea after giving up on the return of her king son some years after the war.

Men cherish their genitals more than anything else in this world. A man would rather lose his life than live it without his genital organ. A genitalless life, to a man, is not worth living at all. Any contrary view? In fact, I envy the monks whose genitals are used mainly to discharge liquid waste from the body. The phenomenon of disappearing genitals is not new in this (supernatural) part of the world. It is as old as the existence of the male genitals. Several years ago in Jos, I witnessed an encounter between a genital thief and an angry mob at Farin Gada. I had gone to the mechanics' village to shop for some spare parts for my car. I was about to step out of the driver's seat when I sighted a man on full acceleration, meandering through the traffic at a speed of 100 kilometres per hour and heading in my direction. In his trail was the crowd on whose lips were: (genital) thief! I swiftly disappeared into my car and banged the door. The fleeing thief of genital organ bounced off my car fender as he zoomed past. I quickly fiddled with my front to be sure that I too had not been robbed by the mere brush he had with my car. The escapee was eventually hunted down and the ireful mob pounded the daylight out of him, with each blow punctuated by a demand for the genital return. The hapless man protested his innocence. They searched him thoroughly but found no organ on him. The mob insisted that he must produce the organ he used spiritual means to steal. They were about to unleash the death blows on him when the police arrived.

A few months ago, some foreigners traveling through Taraba to Cameroun stopped to ask for a direction from a villager. As they left, the villager raised an alarm, claiming that his instrument of pleasure had suddenly left him and blamed the foreigners. The entire village was mobilized against the travelers who fled to a nearby police post for safety. The angry villagers overpowered the policemen on duty, burnt down the post and killed the travelers.

And last week, at Akungba-Akoko settlement of Ondo State, a 20-year-old boy, Adeola Abosede was reported to have pummeled his grandma black and blue for allegedly seizing his manhood. The boy had consulted a spiritualist who revealed to him that the old woman was responsible for his inability to bed his girlfriend. Also in Apata area of Ibadan, last week, a 67-year-old woman beggar was accused of stealing the genital organ of a furniture maker. The beggar had approached the carpenter for alms. The woodworker parted with N20 but later raised an alarm that his sexual organ had suddenly vamoosed the moment the sexagenarian beggar left. The eleemosynary was promptly searched out and ordered to restore the stolen property. The poor woman denied knowledge of the missing instrument. The carpenter's wife was sent for. And the duo were asked to go behind closed doors to perform while the beggar was held hostage. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts which lasted for several hours, the wife rushed out in tears, accusing the old woman of stealing her man's potency with a charm. It took police intervention to prevent the beggar from being lynched. But the question is what would a sexagenarian who has gone past her active years be doing with a carpenter's organ?

And now that the era of disappearing genitals is back, I think there should be a clear-cut difference between vanishing genitals and impotency. If a male genital is stolen, then the object should be physically absent from the subjacent spot. But as long as the object is in place, then nothing is stolen. And how can you establish impotency by a mere act of giving alms or rendering assistance as it was the case with the Taraba villager? The Ibadan encounter is even very ridiculous. How did the woodworker know that the potency of his manhood had vanished? Did he covet the old woman and suddenly realized that his kick-starter did not respond? And by the way, why are the female genitals not being stolen too?

There are some fundamental issues which the incidents of loss of instruments by men have continued to throw up. While I do not believe in superstition, I think it is safer to play dumb by refusing to respond to strangers' questions like: Oga, please wetin your time talk? Excuse me sir, how can I get to the Aso Villa? As it is now, I can't freely give alms again. In any case, the Nigerian legend is being further enriched. Remember the recent man-turn-to-goat drama in Ilorin?